Tuesday, March 7, 2017

aku terfikir bagaimana kalau dia masih hidup. aku terfikir bagaimana keadaan aku kalau dia masih hidup. Aku teringat bahawa dia mimpi aku ke neraka. Aku sudah faham kenapa perancangan Allah adalah lebih baik dari aku.

Jikalau dia masih hidup, aku bukan seorang engineer.
Jikalau dia masih hidup, aku akan jadi lebih hanyut.
Jikalau dia masih hidup, aku lupa kawan aku.
Jikalau dia masih hidup, aku lupa Allah.
Jikalau dia masih hidup, dia lagi menderita dengan penyakit yang x diingini.

Maka dengan ini, aku sedar bahawa aku lemah dan hina di sisi Allah. Alhamdulilah aku pilih jalan yang betul dengan tujuan yang sangat jelas.
Aku sedar bahawa bukan realiti yang kejam, aku yang kejam sebenarnya. Ego aku lah yang makan diri aku.

To my love Kim Hye Mi.
I won't forget you. I try to forget you because i think i don't deserve to know you. But i can't. It doesn't mean you are the reason why i mess up. it's because of myself. Im the one who mess up my own life. Thank you, hun for make me think about it in 3 years. I will catch up my dreams for myself. I love you always.

Sama-sama kita munasabah diri.

Sunday, March 5, 2017
なるかみの, すこしとよみて,
( A faint clap of thunder,
Clouded skies,
Perhaps rain will come.
If so, will you stay here with me? )

( A faint clap of thunder,
Even if rain comes or not,
I will stay here,
Together with you. )
hold up .
Saturday, September 17, 2016
after i've thinking a lot about this .
i think i decided to hold up my post :)
it means that i will be full hiatus mode .

it's not because of her .
it's because of myself .
i need to back on the track .
maybe you get what i mean :)

i need to focus what i need to achieve first .
i didn't mean to being hiatus on my social media ,
i'm just being hiatus on my blog ..

my blog is part of my journal so yeah :)
i need to hold up to get my memorable happy ending .
i need to get back what i lost .
so, lend me some time .

insyaa allah after i'm graduated , i will be back here :)
Friday, August 26, 2016
it's almost mid term break .. and i still need a lot of time to understand electronics.
it's just to fix my pointer , so far i'm good .
after mid term break , i got exam to face .this makes me worry about myself , :(
and also , i'm going to the path that i never expected .
and i'm not ready to tell you . she must happy to see me like this :) .

anyway , there's not much to say on this post but umm .. i got a new phone .
haha i'm so arrogant . it's just a phone . don't kill me alright ...
you can check out on my instagram .. lol

what am i babbling about . i'm so bored .
even i don't have a mood to online .
it's nothing for me anymore ..
i need to get some fresh air .. like seriously guys .

imagine you're stuck in your room and just study and sleep .
it's sucks you know .
i feel too lifeless nowadays .
i always think sleep is the best solution to fly my time so fast .

past gives me a pain .
i'm still feel that i'm a guy who do a lot of sins .
simple definition , kufur or munafik .
that's what i describe about me right now .

make a solah and dua' is the only way to heal myself .
i'm just depend on that .
i'm not depend with people anymore .
if i did that , i won't mature .

it's disappoint when you find out that you are immature .
if i'm not strong enough , i will suicide .
but thanks to allah that he give me an ability of sabr .
He saved my life all this time .

I should spend some time with Him a lot .
at mosque .
I should spend some time with recite a quran .
make a lot of solah , and also involve with tabligh .
it's makes me feel better , really better .

this world is too cruel .
i'm sick of this .
this world is just temporary .
a lot of unfairs and corruptions in this world .

it's time to open my eyes and " keluar ke jalan Allah ".

Technicolor Beat
Thursday, June 23, 2016
lately i feel really lonely and bored .
yes i do a lot of things .. but i'm bored .

maybe because i want to talk with somebody .
but i got nobody around me .

my friends are busy with the licence test .
they have a lot of things to do ..

but me ? i don't know what to do besides talking .
even playing games is too bored for me nowadays ..

so i study a lot .
make some research , polished my math , physics and programming skills .

i study just to get away from myself to get bored .
but ... i'm still bored when i do the same thing always .

sometimes i hate being immature .
when i have a gathering with my friends , i always get ridicule by them .

i can't blame them , it's my nature .
being immature is so me .

haha what i talking about .
i didn't know .

haih ...

why would i .......
Friday, June 17, 2016

Why would i delete my post related to her ?
- it feels like shit. most of my post are sadistic and stupid . well , that's what i feel .. i want to cheer myself up and enjoy my life with my friends ... if i found my future wife , i will take care of her .
and of course , a lot of grammatical errors that it's so embarrassing . lol

Are you erase your past ?
- definitely no . there's no way i can erase my past . even i always say that i want to erase my past but fyi , past is a lesson of your life . if you erase your past , definitely you will make a same mistake . so i decided to keep my past even my past is too dark and i hate it .

Are you still plan to study abroad to Germany ?
- Of course yes . but i will come pretty late i guess .. lol ( idk actually ) ... but i kind of interested to visit Austria. lol .. university of duisburg essen is on my list ( i want to see Dortmund matches ... kyaaaaa <3 ) .

How about Japan ?
- Japan is on my list .... of course i go ! lol .

but this .... mmmm behind Darth Vader mask ( epic cuteness ) '

Are you still want to lost contact with her ?
- Yes until i achieve my goals . maybe forever . i'm sorry , i'm too cruel . 

I'm just realized that i did a lot of grammatical mistakes .
that was just embarrassing ... ohh god whyy !! xD

I feel like i have to kill myself with my sentences ..
like ... i'm 19 .. i should write some articles pretty well .

but it end up with mess .. great .

so .. i kind of try hard to improve my english until i want some novels from my friend ( they give it free , no negotiation .. ehehe ) . those are my novels(left and middle are not my novels actually but my friend give it to me) . nowadays it's hard to find a novel without a vulgar words ( like fuck , asshole, motherfucker and etc . ) so i decide to find a classic novel. for me , classic novel is cool but there's a lot of words that i didn't recognized . that's not cool but fun at the same time :) 

what makes it fun is you have to make a research.

may Allah ease everything . i have to improve it ASAP